Woke to Find my Car Wrapped in Toilet Paper

When you wake to find your car encased in luxury toilet paper you can't help but wonder what the hidden message might be. Failing to find the elusive note that might shed a tinkle of light on this odd occurrence, I began to rip the fluffy toilet paper, embedded with its sweet little purple flowers, from my car and scrunched it into a neat compounded ball. Immediately regretting it. 

The idea suddenly occurred to me that I could have driven to my friend's garden party with loo paper flapping in the breeze around me. Although the police in this town aren't too busy on Sunday mornings I'd almost certainly be breaching one of the long list of by-laws. 

The paper was thrown straight into the bin. Should I have saved it as evidence? I've become a crime show addict, and it crossed my mind that I could go and request to use my neighbour's toilet, on the pretence that mine was broken, and locate the culprit. I didn't have quite enough time, but I had my olives, dips, and dolmades, and off I go to my friends.

I spent the rest of the day eating and bloating, only to be asked by my well-meaning new acquaintance, Colin when my baby was due... hum! I politely continued our conversation only to discover that Colin makes inflatable body pieces for a living. Ears, breasts and stomachs all large enough to enter. He was particularly proud of his recent colon project. Visitors would enter and travel down the length of the colon, exiting finally through the anus, but not before they had walked over the brown poo cushions, which emitted soft farting sounds (not smells). 

Maybe I should have driven up with lavatory paper billowing behind me. Suddenly, all the puzzling pieces of my day fell into place, and in some unexplainable way, everything seemed to make perfect un-sense.

Then I found this ...a youTube video of strange people wrapping cars in toilet paper         

It seems that even the stars are taking to wrapping, not just neighbours cars, but them selves in toilet paper. Here is  is Victoria Beckham happy and beautifully wrapped.

Wrapping people and cars in toilet paper is not as easy as it might appear. I once attempted to wrap a friend in toilet paper in an attempt to mummify him for a Halloween party. I failed terribly, the paper kept ripping and falling and refusing to stay in the required position. If only we had of watched this video. He would have been the bell of the ball. 

Here are a few images of a Colin’s inflatable colon! Hard to believe there is one in existence, never mind a family of inflatable colons (one made by Colin) inhabiting this small planet of ours.

If you follow this link, you can rent the inflatable colon. You can then enjoy its wonders in the peace of your own garden, and perhaps you might want to drive your freshly wrapped bicycle through its plastic-coated walls. 

My one sad regret of the day was not to drive my toilet roll wrapped car to meet Colin the owner of an inflatable colon.