In the seventeenth century, women were tried in court for deviously tricking innocent men into marriage. How did they trick these poor, unsuspecting men? It is simple, by using their ominous but effective lipstick magic.
Women's looks have lured men for centuries, and who can blame them? We are gorgeous, sublime creatures. And yes, sometimes we choose to amplify our special mysterious allure by using artificial means. A little bit of mascara here, a high heel there, a fake boob job, a dab of lipstick. Lipstick! Lipstick forced men to propose?
It is understandable that bright red lipstick might make a man glance in a woman's direction. That streak of demanding scarlet is hard to ignore. However, it is hard to believe that the sight of red puckered lips would motivate him to lose his wits and propose to someone he would otherwise have chosen not to.
Were seventeenth-century men truly this gullible? And the more important question is whether they are still that gullible today. Have we got it wrong? While we have been busy toning our buts, we could have simply popped out and bought a stick of colourful rouge.
One minute, he looks, and her lips are a natural tone of perfect pink. Then she turns and adds a stroke of deep scarlet red, and wham bam, he is overpowered by love. Or is it lust? Truly, it doesn't matter, love or lust, what is important is that he proposed. He cannot resist, he is forced against his own better judgement to propose.
British Lipstick Laws
Were eighteenth-century men truly this simple that a flash of red on a sensual lip curve could make them bend at the knee and whip out the gold band of wedlock?
Could the male, so strong of muscle, be so weak of mind? Surely, only a woman would be so disrespectful to claim this to be true.
weapons of mass seduction
But no, it is men themselves who claim they are easily deceived by scarlet lips, and they would have to be protected by law.
In the seventeenth century, British, fanciful face paint was considered the 'Devil's work'.
In 1770, the British Parliament passed a law condemning lipstick. It stated that "women found guilty of seducing men into matrimony by a cosmetic means could be tried for witchcraft".
Little did the modern-day lady know that she is practising witchcraft on a daily basis, maybe even 7 times a day.
Lipstick tricks to Make him Propose
So, what important lessons can we ladies of the 21st century learn from our 17th-century counterparts?
Is this why so many men proposed? Was it only because I was wearing the correct shade of lipstick that day? It had nothing to do with my good sense of humour or child-bearing hips, not my witty charm or incredibly high IQ.
All along, I was unknowingly practising the devil's work, lipstick-aided seventh-century witchcraft. Wow, I am way more cool than I realized.
Not only were all forms of makeup banned, but the church warned that women who painted their lips red were luring too many innocent men down the garden path.
A path that leads these innocent, susceptible men through a garden like Eden laden with tempting juicy apples. A pernicious place of slithering serpents waiting to ruin the innocent men's stamina and strength. Oh, those wicked, willing witches.
How quickly the tables have turned. Today, if you don't wear lipstick or a touch of makeup, you run the risk of being labelled a witch. Especially if it happens on the same day as you are having a bad hair day.
Red, power, seduction and warning
The Wicked Wrench in War paint
During wartime, women were encouraged to paint their lips rouge and pucker up for their men in uniform. During the era that men marched off to the glories of war, and the marvels of make-up assumed a glamourous respectability.
Seduced by flashy war propaganda, women pimped their lips to encourage men to fight a rich man's war.
The best men go to fight wars, the most courageous, the most protective. This is when we women truly repent for our sins, a compliant accomplice in rich man's reverse selection.
Women have been painting their faces throughout history. Possibly, there is a deeper element to the female psyche that makes us paint and pout.
Cleopatra's Lipstick Tricks
Cleopatra, the absolute prototype of ancient femme fatale, wouldn't leave her pyramids without painting her lips a startling shade of red. The queen of glamour, power and sensuality is remembered for her striking beauty and powers of seduction. If she could leave one man-eating tip, it would have to be rouge your lips.
A rare photo of Cleopatra at home in her pyramid without her lipstick
Ok, you've realised you'd like to try some ancient Egyptian temptress tips combined with Victorian witchcraft? You want that random but gorgeous man at the bus stop to propose. Why not give it a whirl and make some devilish Victorian lipstick.
How to make your very own Victorian lipstick
Ingredients:
4 tablespoons of beeswax
1 tablespoon of butter (or olive oil)
1/2 teaspoon of your favourite essential oil, something seductive and alluring
2 teaspoons of alkanet root powder
Directions:
Melt the beeswax and butter (or oil) in a porcelain pot submerged in water over a very low heat. Stir the wax 77 times anti-clockwise while chanting the name of your husband-to-be. If you don't know his name yet, simply visualise him. The wax will melt, as will your future fiancee's heart.
Remove from the heat and add the Alkanet root powder and the alluring essential oil. Stir the potion, I mean lipstick, 77 times clockwise while chanting the name of your true love (as long as this is the same name as your husband-to-be. If it isn't the same, chant the name of the husband-to-be and not the loved one.
Pour the lipstick marriage-inducing potion into a beautiful silver container (or any container) and let it cool until it is hard. Hard as your resolve when you go to claim your victim.
Godspeed and good luck, may the best woman win her man.
FAQ
How to convince him to marry you?
Become so wealthy that he wants to be with you to be financially secure.
Only joking, well, kinda.
How to attract a man for marriage?
The first step to attracting a man for marriage is to know some men.
The next step is to be happy, live in the moment, and have fun.
The next step, unfortunately, contrary to your motives, you have to appear like you are not that too fused about marriage.
How do I get my boyfriend to commit to marriage?
It is a fine dance, and the answer differs for every situation. If you want a man to propose, he has to know he can't live without you.
How do you get him to realise this? You must walk that fine line between being available for him so he depends on you for happy vibes (not housework) and not swamping him with so much attention that he takes you for granted.
How do you ask a man to marry you?
Well, my understanding is that men are the polar opposite of women, particularly when it comes to a proposal. They are simply built to be practical.
So forget the flowers, forget the ring, just ask him.
Quiet simply, you won't have to book a trip to the Eiffel Tower or order a truckload of rose petals.
You can just pop the question over toast at breakfast, and if it seems like a practical, logical idea, he'll say yes.
There is one exception to the above rule. And that is if he is a man born in the sign of Cancer. If this is the case, then order the flowers and a ring and book that trip to Paris. A Cancer man's romantic heart will crumble.
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